


Mad Hatter

by Kenmai



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Cute, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Help, Implied Relationships, JohnKarkat, M/M, Mental Illness, Multi, Other, Self-Discovery, Sexual Orientation, Sexuality, Social Anxiety, all the other relationships are pretty brief or mentioned, confusion over sexual identity, i suck at things like comfort and angst, im trying my hardest, johnkat - Freeform, listen, lots of comfort, mainly johnkat, my hands hurt from writing so far, or not really looked into, this may be pretty long, vriska kinda has a crush on the history teacher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-23 14:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4880503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenmai/pseuds/Kenmai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John transfers schools and meets a peculiar boy on the first day of school that’s strange. This boy is Karkat. He has depression and social anxiety, extreme bouts of rage and gets panic attacks in class unbeknownst to John. As a result of this not many people really talk to him until John decides too. Karkat brushes him off at first but then they get talking. Karkat weirds him out due to not understanding his mental illness but John realizes he should try to help his buddy out. Buddy being probable crush. Ok actual crush. He needs to sort some things out.</p>
<p>I may change the title later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, actually based on the song Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez. You should check it out!

-o-

“Alright,” John watched as the large, heavily built woman dropped the files on the desk in front of her, dusting off her hands at the task and deciding to adjust the specs of her red-rimmed glasses. She feigned annoying at the spots on them for a moment and decided to just take them off and wipe them with the sleeve of her blouse. John could now see the freckles on her face much clearer; her honey colored skin contrasting with her jet black suit and red glasses. “That should just about be it. Here’s your schedule and your locker combination. I’m just gonna take you on over to your homeroom now alright...” She glanced at the sheet again. “..John Egbert.”  
John nodded as he watched her. He adjusted the strap of his back-pack and shifted on his feet. His sneakers made a small squeak as it moved against the overly polished white tiles. John gave her a small smile as she motioned for him to follow her, the two leaving her stuffy office room near the main halls.

“Come on. This way to the left.”

John followed her as they walked down a long hallway, glancing into a few classrooms as he passed the closed doors, only being able to see a bit of what was going on through a little glass portion at the top of the door. John found himself hurrying his pace to follow after the secretary, her steps surprisingly quick for being in such high black heels. He ignored the way his shoes sounded on the tile as he tried to match his steps to hers. Her pace slowed as she turned right past the lockers and walked towards the first door on their right.

“Here we are.” John was a bit apprehensive now, it was obvious in the way he bit his lips and glanced at the floor. He noticed a bandage slipping off of his leg and bent down to keep it together. He then decided it would be a perfect time to dust his shoes off seeing as the secretary started to talk again. “Now John, I know it’s your first day since transferring here but there’s no need whatsoever to be nervous alright?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Now, I’m going to step in real quick and talk to the teacher and when I signal you come inside and introduce yourself alright?”  
John silently sighed but nodded nonetheless as the two looked at the door. She smiled at him and gave him a squeeze on the shoulder before turning the doorknob and walking inside.  


John was immediately met with a few faces glancing at the doorway, eyes landing on the secretary then on him. There was a murmur starting already, most likely that there could possibly be a new kid. Well, of course he was new. His Dad had recently been promoted and had to be moved here to this new town. Of course, John was sad that he had to leave friends, teachers and even other memories behind but he sure was happy his Dad finally got promoted. He’d get through it for his Dad’s happiness, after all it was just school.  


John idly found himself out of his musings when he heard the familiar voice of the secretary again, talking about the new addition to the teachers class. The other voice; that he obviously deemed ‘teacher’ had replied non-chalantly, the small soundings of interest in his voice. They probably rarely got new students here or something.  
Oh! The secretary was calling him in! John quickly entered the room and closed the door behind him. All eyes immediately turned to him.  
John pushed back the feelings of nervousness in his stomach and walked towards the center front of the room where the secretary and his new teacher stood waiting for him.  


“Hello John! My name is Mr. English but you can call me Jake it’s quite alright, ok? I’m your homeroom teacher and Literature Appreciation teacher. Wanna tell the class anything about yourself?”  


John grinned at how cheery the teacher was. Outside the room he sounded a bit different but here he seems quite nice and different! The boy turned towards the class and offered them the same smile.  


“Um, hello everyone! My name is John Egbert. I like a lot of things. Reading, Writing, Comic Books, Video Games, jokes and I am the official pranking master. So, nice to meet everyone?”  


There were a few giggles throughout the room, but they seemed to be on the opposite of negative so John beamed at that. The murmurs seemed to increase in the room as John turned back to the teacher and secretary for confirmation on what to do next.  


“Nice! Very nice little introduction there John. Now let’s see where can we seat you- ah!- are you okay with sitting near the back next to Karkat over there?” John looked to see where his teacher pointed at a boy to the back. He had darker skin and seemed to be much smaller than John with the way he was hunched over his books. From what John could see, the boy had dark-brown hair and wore a thick gray sweater.  


“Sure, sir.”  


John looked at the secretary once more as she urged him forward and turned to Jake saying she’d be on her way and that someone could show John around the school.  


Once John had made his way to the seat next to “Karkat” he took his backpack off and rested it on the back of his chair. He plopped down on his seat and turned his body towards the boy, outstretching his hand.  


“Hehe. Not sure if you heard by now seeing as I already introduced myself, but I’m John Egbert. You’re Karkat?”  


The boy remained silent as he continued to read his book. Upon closer examination, John could see that he was reading the second book of the Percy Jackson series, his burgundy colored eyes scanning over the text quickly. His eyes were really pretty. A+ choice in book series so far though. This guy has potential to be friend number one if he would just say hi to him.  


Alas the boy continued to read, only moving to turn a page.  


John awkwardly laughed. “Right then, Karkat. I’m not sure how long you’ve been going to this school but uh, is it nice? I just moved here with my Dad because he got promoted and lots of things are still pretty strange here.”  


John jumped as the bell for first period rang and the boy quickly stood to his feet. He grabbed his book and darted to the front of the class, exiting without looking at anyone.  


John was utterly confused and in mild shock.  


How rude.  


Absolutely rude.  


But then again maybe the kid was just in a bad mood? He’d try talking to him again whenever he sees him next.  


John shook his head and stood up, grabbing his backpack and rummaging through it for his schedule. First period Mathematics. How fun.

-o-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many stories to finish but i couldn't resist. Feel free to comment?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to tell me if there's any mistakes!

-o-

John somehow managed throughout the first three classes to get directions from people. Many people from his homeroom came up and talked to him, quickly becoming friends or just getting to know them. Everyone was nice so far; funny and pretty polite in conversation. The one thing that concerned him though was how people kept telling him to stay away from Karkat. Was there something wrong with him? Was he mean? Could he not speak?

Dear God. Did John try to talk a mute person this morning? He probably embarrassed Karkat and sent him running. John would be embarrassed to having to explain to a new kid that he’s mute. It would totally suck.

John had thoughts like these running through his head all morning as he found his way to the lockers again. He searched till he found his assigned one and grabbed the small slip of paper her received from the secretary this morning. 

He mentally congratulated himself as he was able to get the combination right and the locker opened. After putting a few books aside John was on his way to lunch.

-o-

John blinked as he stood in the middle of the cafeteria. He had no idea where to go. He had just gotten off of the lunch line, a carton of apple juice and a plate of French fries on his tray. He had explicitly avoided the milk (thanks lactose intolerance. Not today.) and strayed past the seemingly ‘fresh foods’. He wasn’t even too sure about these fries but he needed something in his system. He had left his sandwich on the counter at home by accident.

John awkwardly shuffled on his feet, glancing around at the various tables that had students. People were eating, talking loudly, doing homework, some standing up, others sitting on the tables or leaning on pillars. Some didn’t even eat anything, just stood off to the side standing up and watching others and having idle chatter. John made friends today but he hadn’t exactly been invited to sit with anyone. How far into friendship would he have to be to just walk up to a table and fit in? Should he try?

John nervously bit his lips in thought of this.

What should he do?

Just when he had gathered up the courage to walk towards a table he felt a pair of hands on his shoulders and jumped, his heart hammering out of his chest. He quickly turned around to see a girl that was exactly his height. She had darker skin than him and long braided brown hair that cascaded down her back and over her shoulders. She had a smile on her face that could out match his own and the brightest green eyes he’d ever seen covered by red glasses. She grinned as John turned around; giving him optimal opportunity to see that she had colored braces in her mouth. Huh. That was so weird. John had recently gotten his braces out about a year ago and they happened to be dark blue. This girl, seemed to be his exact copy in a way.

Despite that, John brushed that thought away and raised an eyebrow as she clapped he her hands together.

“Hi there! I’m Jade Harley! I heard that you’re the new kid. Sadly, I am not in your homeroom but I think I am in your Science and History classes maybe?”

“Nice to meet you Jade. And probably!”

John practically beamed as she continued. “Nice. I was just wondering if you’d like to sit at our table?”

“Our table?”

“Yeah.” Jade grabbed him by the arm and started to lead him towards a table near the back past lots of others. “My friends all sit there! Let’s see there’s Rose, Dave, Vriska, Tavros, Feferi, Aradia, and Sollux-“

“Gosh that’s quite a lot of people. But sure.” John despite now agreeing had already been pulled towards the table and was met with many eyes watching him.

“Guys!” Jade shouting, turning everyone’s attention to her for a brief moment. “This is John; I’m guessing most of you probs know him. He’s gonna sit at our table for lunch.” 

There were a few ok’s and sure’s as John and Jade sat down.

John was sat next to a blonde hair boy with caramel skin and shades on, Jade on his right side. The boy had some freckles here and there but other than that he seemed pretty ok.

“Well.” Jade said after taking a large gulp of her orange juice. “That’s Dave to your left. He’s residential know-it-all who’s actually just a big softie” The two watched as Dave scowled at his description and mouth a ‘no.’ to John. “Anyway, Next to him is Tavros! Tavros is pretty chill and likes Pokémon and video games. He’s an awkward nerd. That girl straight across from Dave is his sister Rose. She’s snarky and pretty smart and the coolest I could get to ever having a sister. The girl next to her is Vriska. She’s a huge bitch so.”

Said girl rolled her eyes and rested her chin in the palm of her hand. “I heard that Jade.”

Jade smiled mischievously at her before continuing. “Next to Vriska, with the goggles on, that Feferi. She’s on the cheerleading team, student council and the swim team. That girl with the wide smile and dimples is Aradia. She’s like, the right amount of creepy and nice. Warning though she likes bad puns just like me!”

At the mention of puns, the majority of the table groaned. Jade and Aradia giggled.

“Sorry sorry. Moving on. That dorkus with his nose buried in his Nintendo playing Kingdom Hearts is Sollux. He likes computers, games, hacking, um Feferi and Aradia.”  
John raised an eyebrow. “Oh. So um, you three are in a relationship then?”

“Yep! Polyamourous.” Feferi answered. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“No no. I just think it’s nice. “

“Alright. Thank you, John.” Aradia answered.

“Yeah.”

John thought nothing of it when Dave stole a few French fries off his tray and popped them into his mouth, chewing as he watched John. He motioned to the apple juice cautiously before John nodded. Dave seemed to beam at this new deal and snatched the juice of the tray for himself, happily taking a sip.

“Hmm.” Jade mused. “That’s basically it for this table. There are other friends we have here at school like Nepeta and Equius, but they’re pretty great friends so they usually like to hang out together and don’t come to the table often. Eridan on the other hand is always busy with student council work and committees. He sits at the table when he’s not busy. Come to think of it we haven’t seen him much. I hope he’s not overworking himself…”

Dave cleared his throat and glanced at Vriska before looking back at John. “So John. I have one little question for you man.”

John glanced at the boy before giving him a small smile. He really liked how cool his blonde hair looked against his skin, the shades were a bit obnoxious at first but they kinda worked with him. “Sure, bro.”

“I-”

Suddenly, Vriska stood, hands hitting the table loudly as her long blonde her swayed with her movements. John hadn’t really noticed at first but there were a few strands of blue dyed into her hair. It was oddly fitting of her. “Don’t talk. To Karkat Vantas.”

Upon hearing the name, some of the people at the table froze, others looking down while a few frowned like Jade and Dave.

John was suspicious and a little upset now. Why were people always telling him this? So what if the guy acted kind of rude this morning? That doesn’t mean that he should just stop talking to him like everyone says! What’s even so special about the boy, huh?

“Why?” John said softly. “Why does everyone keep telling me not to talk to him?!?” John said his voice getting a little louder as he motioned with his hands stretched outward.  


Jade patted his shoulder. “Well…” She looked to the group for confirmation to go on with what John assumed would be a story of some short next. Dave and Aradia shrugged as Sollux refused to look up from his Nintendo now, a small grimace in his face. Everyone else had frowns on their faces now and John kinda felt liked he may have fucked up already.  


Vriska had decided to sit back down by this time and was brushing strands of hair out of her face. She took a wistful sigh before turning her full attention to John. “Johnny boy. No one talks to Karkat. We’ve been trying since he first came here to school two years ago.”

“But...”

“Karkat is… he always brushed everyone off and never talked to anyone. He quite blatantly refused to. Sometimes he’d even get ridiculously mad and yell at people to leave him alone. We always tried inviting him places, giving him notes when he was absent, talking to him in classes in homeroom but he would just ignore us even. He never really talks much except when he’s talking to a teacher or telling someone to go away.”

Tavros sighed. “We really...really tried with him. We still want to be friends with him but he doesn’t even wanna talk with anyone.”

“I think,” Rose offered as she intertwined her fingers; absentmindedly playing with her thumbs, “that someone may have happened back at his old school.”

“But then again that was two whole years ago Rose.” Feferi said in response to her query. 

John frowned. “I actually feel kind of sorry for him. It makes me still wanna try.”

Sollux finally looked up from his Nintendo eyeing John carefully. “You can try all you want but he’s a stubborn fucker. He absolutely refuses to talk to anyone no matter how much you try.”

“We tried so many times too.”

“I was lab partners with him once in Chemistry and I almost got him to laugh at a joke, but that required me being completely obnoxious all day in trying to get him to have a proper conversation. He just really doesn’t want too though.”

“It’s pretty sad.” Jade said as Vriska agreed.

“If that sad sack of shit doesn’t want any friends then who are we to stop him.” She then glanced at John. “So John, we’re not saying don’t talk to him out of meanness. Well partially mean I guess. It’s just a waste of your time trying to communicate with him alright? He doesn’t want to so just don’t.”

John felt the corners of his mouth go down and nodded a little. “Okay.”

Dave flung an arm around his shoulder and smiled. “Don’t worry about it nerd. So you like games?”

John snorted a smile quickly spreading on his face. “Dave! I am not a nerd!”

“I am the pranking master.” Dave imitated his voice. 

“Hey, shut up!” John laughed as a few others at the table chuckled. Obviously a few of them were in his homeroom and heard his little introduction this morning.

“You really are a dork.” Vriska chided in as Rose rolled her eyes.

John quickly got swept up in conversation with his newfound friends and found himself grinning at their ridiculous jokes and remarks. He would fit in just fine here.

Karkat still ran on his mind.

-o-


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters pretty short seeing as i kinda divide the story here and there. Feel free to comment?

-o-

John found himself back in homeroom at the end of the day. He had been sitting on the desk next to Rose, Dave, Tavros, Sollux and Vriska, who had had now realized were in his homeroom from this morning. They were talking about a few shows they had seen recently and John was currently being convinced to watch Orange Is The New Black when the teacher had told everyone to settle down and get to their seats.

John had shrugged and walked over to his seat next to Karkat.

Karkat had his head resting in his arms on his desk. He seemed to be sleeping, maybe just resting his head at the leas; his hoodie from this morning now covering his head. John could vaguely see little tufts of dark-brown hair poking out from underneath his hoodie. John couldn’t help but think for a moment that he seemed a little cute. He cautiously turned to glance at the boy and sighed. He realized that it wouldn’t hurt to try at least one more time so he mustered up some courage and fully turned to him.

“So uh, Karkat?”

Karkat cocked his head to the left, his eye poking out to look at John. His face seemed to be indecisively screaming ‘Shut up’ and ‘What do you want?’  
John shifted in his seat a little.

“Did you have a good day?”

The boy stared at John for awhile; the gears in his mind seemed to be turning as he watched him, wondering what his motives could be. With a blink, he decided it would be best not to encourage further conversation, and turned his head back to its original position in his arms.

Karkat didn’t talk to him for the rest of homeroom and quickly walked out the room once the bell that signaled the end of homeroom rang.

John practically deflated.

-o-

A week had passed where John had decided to let Karkat be on his own again for a bit. There was no point in talking to him right now if he wasn’t really comfortable with him. Maybe he came on a bit too strong in the friendship zone?

Nonetheless, John had gotten closer to the same set of friends he’d made on his first day here, and had even gotten acquainted with many faces around the school. Casual hey’s and hello’s would be thrown around when he passed in the hallways and some people even stopped to ask him how his day had been. He found that the majority of people here could be really nice once you get to know them. His Dad had been right in saying he’d get used to it here in no time. 

Speaking of his Dad, sadly he had to stay to work a little late today. John was busy grabbing books out of his locker when he remembered the conversation from this morning.

‘I’ve been asked to stay late today and I apologize for not being able to pick you up from school John.’

‘It’s fine Dad! I can get home just fine by walking or taking the bus.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yeah! I’ll be fine.’

His Dad had rubbed his chin in thought. ‘I still feel a little bad though. That means we have to cancel our ice-cream plans this evening.’

‘Oh right. That’s cool Dad we can always do it on the weekend, ok?’

John had smiled when his Dad reached out to ruffle his hair. ‘Sure son.’ He had then taken a sip of his morning coffee, the two getting ready for the day. 

John grinned as he closed his locker shut. He was in 11th grade after all. He could handle himself getting home. 

John pulled at his backpack strap as he started to make his way to his next class.

During his time so far at the school he now knew where all the classes were thanks to his friends, and he even knew who was in which of his classes. Despite being in different   
classes most of the time, everyone had gym class together.

He was pretty happy he had made such cool friends.

-o-


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another pretty short chapter. Sorry?

-o-

John found himself sat in Ms. Pyrope’s History class that afternoon. His desk was behind Vriska’s who was avidly paying attention to every word the older woman said. Ms. Pyrope seemed to be in her early twenty’s, twenty six as a general guess. She had bright orange hair that stuck out oddly at the ends. Red-rimmed glasses adorned her lithe face as she grinned crookedly at her class. He eyes seemed to be a light teal and oddly enough John had heard from Jade that she was partially blind. She had a very long red walking stick grasped in her hands that she leaned on. 

She walked around the room, animatedly talking about some war that happened in the late 1800’s, some of the class tired from a full day of school. Dave sat to his left, obviously bored out of his mind as she droned on. Jade was to his right, taking down notes as she too, like Vriska; seemed to be mesmerized in the story the teacher was weaving.

John didn’t like her much. 

She watched everyone carefully in her class, probably picking up on things he’d never notice. Her teaching skills were alright, but her personality was a little much for him. She was ok as long as her attention wasn’t on him.

“Psst.” John looked up and glanced around before landing on Dave. He had a note in his hand hidden underneath his sleeve. He glance at the teacher and then back at John before handing it to him. “Here.”

John quickly took the note and looked at it.

“No no no.” Dave harshly whispered. “Not you bro. The babe next to you.”

John raised an eyebrow and turned to his right. There sat Jade, her feet rocking as she happily wrote notes. John glanced at the note again before realizing there was a small ‘For Jade’ in Dave’s messy handwriting on it.

He smugly turned to look at Dave and mouthed an ‘Oh?’

John could practically see Dave roll his eyes beneath his shades. ‘Just...just give it to her’ He mouthed back.

John shrugged and carefully threw the note on Jade’s desk.

She jumped a little and stopped writing. She raised an eyebrow at John and grabbed the note. ‘What?’

John nodded his head over to Dave who had conveniently gone back to writing his notes. John knew he was probably just doodling dicks in the back of his book though.

Confusion was evident on Jade’s face as she turned back to the note and opened it. She smiled and wrote something down, asking John to pass it back. After that was done John watched as Dave opened the note, a small smile etching itself on his face.

‘Thanks, John.’ Dave mouthed to him.

John did a thumbs up with both of his hands. ‘No problem bro.’

There was a slam of a ruler on a desk as the two jumped. “Strider! Mr. Egbert! Are you talking in my class?”

“Shit sorry.”

“No ma’am.”

“Watch your mouth in my class Strider. John, pay attention.”

The two breathed a sigh of relief as she turned back to the board, writing a few brief notes on what she had discussed prior to the interruption.

Vriska turned around and rolled her eyes at the two. “GG.”

-o-


	5. Chapter 5

-o-

After the bell for homeroom had been dismissed, John found himself at the locker again. He stuffed a few books in his locker and was about to close it when he realized he had homework. He cursed under his breath and opened it again to get the needed materials.

John closed his locker again and shoved the textbooks into his backpack.

Maybe he should stay late to do this at school while he’s focused. He knows once he gets home he’s gonna get completely distracted and wrapped up in Animal Crossing. He just loved that game.

Besides, his Dad was getting home from work late today. He’d spend an hour at the library working and then get home.

John nodded and gave himself a pat on the back for his brilliant idea; probably looking a little weird to the people passing by.

With that, he slung his backpack over his shoulder again and made his way through the halls till he reached where the library was. He quietly stepped inside, not many students being there due to wanting to get home and relax. 

He waved to the librarian, seeing her once or twice already at breaks when he decided to do some work. Walking pass a few rows of tables he noticed some students using the schools laptops, researching, slacking off or just doing whatever. Others were spread out at tables doing work or studying, and there was a small group of four students working on something, two of them pointing out where to glue what on a giant poster.

John strolled by them, carefully looking for somewhere to sit down and do his work. 

Then he caught his eye.

There Karkat was, sitting down near the back of the library near the window. The window was slightly closed, shining down on the table and on Karkat’s head. Whether he had closed that window himself or not was overlooked. Karkat was currently writing something down, notebook under his right arm, textbook open with his left hand. He had headphones in both ears, some song playing loudly as he walked closer to the boy. He seemed immersed in his work, cursing slightly as he messed up. He quickly erased it and smiled to himself once the mistake had been taken care of. Perfect.

Karkat looked up at that moment, noticing John walking towards him. He quickly hid his smile, frowning in place of it and he turned back towards his work.

“Uh. Hey, Karkat!” John whispered as he finally decided to walk up to the table. There were three empty seats around Karkat; one to his left and the other two facing the opposite side of him. John decided to sit in the seat next to him. “Would it be alright if I sit here? Well I mean I already sat down but, ugh, I don’t know.”

Karkat abruptly stopped writing, pencil clutched in his palm. “Get lost.”

Something inside John had started to swell up a little. Karkat was finally talking to him! Albeit, he was still pretty rude it was something.

John pushed that feeling behind him as he realized what Karkat had said. He smiled a bit unsurely as Karkat continued to stare at him. “No. I came to say hello.”

“Hi, John.” John felt the feeling pool in his stomach, turning into something warm as his name escaped Karkat’s lips. “And goodbye. Now leave. I have important work to finish.”  
John’s smile widened as he ignored Karkat’s obvious desire for him to not be around. Karkat was talking to him! That was like, two sentences! He was making progress here, why stop now?

“We can just work on our homework together! I won’t bother you too much if you want? By the way, do you always go home late? Or was this just some strange coincidence? Ah this is like a really cool movie I saw once where the two unlikely characters become friends and realize there’s a threat to the city so they team up and get cool powers to defeat the threat!”

Karkat grimaced. “What kind of shitty movies do you even watch? You know what never mind. I’m just going to ignore you. It is happening right now.” With that Karkat turned back down to his work and starting writing where he left off.

“So.” John started as he reached into his bag to take out his textbooks. “What are you listening too?”

Karkat merely looked up at John before glancing back down at his work. He turned a page of his textbook.

“Hmm.” John said as he bit the inside of his cheek. Stubborn aren’t we? 

Karkat sat up and closed his textbook with a deep exhale of breath. “What? What is it that you want from me John? Why are you even talking to me? Shouldn’t you be hanging out with those friends of yours? I thought you would have learned how shitty my reputation is in this school. No one likes me and no one wants to talk to me. Your thick skull refuses to understand that you broke this rule. So why the fuck are you here Egbert. Enlighten me.”

John watch as Karkat said all this, limbs flailing as he spoke, practically spitting the words out with John. He watched as his eyebrows furrowed and the way his nostrils flared. He watched as Karkat angrily fixed his hair with his hand, quickly tapping his fingers on the table more than likely absentmindedly. But most importantly John watched his eyes. John watched how his eyes seemed to ignite, they lit up in a mixture of emotions. Rage, wrath, indignation, utter disbelief and…doubt?

Those same eyes stared at him heatedly waiting for an answer. John was at a loss for a moment because for some reason he just looked so, cute? Oddly cute. John didn’t know why.

John stayed silent for awhile, softly and cautiously saying his next words. “I want to be your friend.”

Karkat blinked and snorted. “No way. I don’t believe you. Think of a better half-assed lie before you come crawling back to get shut down John. No one wants to be my friend and I’m fine with that. What makes you special, huh? “Karkat’s work had long been discarded to have a heated conversation with the boy. His volume had increased as he said his next words. “What sets John fucking Egbert apart from the rest of these misfit kids?!”

“Quiet!” They heard the librarian yell from somewhere towards the front. The two jumped, Karkat shrinking into himself.

John frowned as he put his pen down on the table. “It’s true though, Karkat. I do want to be your friend. I’d like to try if you’re ok with it.”

Karkat once again was at a loss of words, analyzing John for any signs of false promises. He wasn’t ready to give him a definite answer but he was…he was seemingly ok with this for a little while. “I don’t know.”

John tilted his head before smiling again. “It’s fine!”

He quietly opened his textbook again and started to work, feeling Karkat’s gaze lingering on him.

“Why me though?” He heard his voice quietly whisper. “Two years of time to myself and here you decide to just waltz in like a…like dumb fuck.”

John shrugged. “You’re Karkat. You seem interesting. I just wanna get to know you and talk with you. Ooh! Maybe one day we could talk about movies and shows and even watch them together. And I could make you laugh and teach you all my cool pranks! Yeah. It sounds nice me and you. Well I mean, you know. Dudes bein’ dudes.” He coughed and looked down at his books again. Karkat continued to watch him with mild interest and confusion.

There were several minutes of silence as the two just sat there. John nervously looking through his text book and finishing off his homework.

“John.”

He looked up to see Karkat eyeing him carefully. “Hmm?”

Karkat scratched his head before glancing at the chair to his left and patting it. He made no eye contact with John as he went over his work.

John beamed and slid his textbooks to the other side of the table, getting up and plopping down in the hard chair next to Karkat. John turned to look at him and grinned. 

“Thanks, Karkat!”

The boy nodded.

“So, what have you been listenin’ to all this time, huh?” John watched as Karkat kept his head down in his book deciding not to look up. 

“Music.”

“Bleh.” John rolled his eyes.

The shorter of the two silently sighed and took his left ear bud out of his ears. “Here.”

“Oh!” John graciously took it and put it in his right ear. “Thanks.”

John giggled as he listened to the song playing. Anaconda by Nicki Minaj was playing, and Karkat cursed and quickly reached into his pocket to change the song on his iPod. Estelle, Kesha and Katy Perry were heard playing for very brief moments until Karkat landed on a song by Twenty One Pilots. He liked the beat of it so far and glanced at Karkat’s iPod for the name. Ride by Twenty One Pilots, huh? 

John couldn’t help but smile at Karkat’s music taste as he tucked the device in his pocket again.

The two had lulled back into the rhythm of working in silence, John tapping his feet to the music and the both of them stopping to correct something here and there or turn a page.

John coughed, not looking up from his work now. “You looked cute when you smiled earlier by the way.”

Karkat quickly looked up at him and sputtered. “I-.. I’m note cute. I refuse to be called cute. Even if I was I wouldn’t believe you. I’m a sad sack of ugly shit. Do you see these bags, and this horrible round face? This fucking ugly face…”

“No it’s really fine. I don’t think you’re ugly at all, man. You’re the exact opposite in my opinion.”

Karkat’s face idly turned a shade of red as he shook his head. “I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true.”

“No, really it’s fine.”

“It’s ok if you hate me or think my whining is annoying.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Karkat, you don’t have to apologize.” John frowned at the boy. Did he really hate himself this much?

“Sorry about that.” Suddenly Karkat stood gathering his things and roughly shoving them into his bags. “I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow John.”

With that Karkat quickly left the library, the door closing behind him.

John groaned as he slumped on the table. John was so confused. He probably just fucked up what little they had of a friendship.

Score 1 for John’s fuck ups, Score 0 for John.

He needed to find Karkat tomorrow.

-o-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> c: i'll try to update tomorrow


	6. Chapter 6

-o-

The next morning John found himself in an assembly. He had walked into homeroom ready to talk to Karkat bout yesterday but they had asked everyone to head to the gymnasium for an assembly. Apparently someone important was visiting the school. Quite typical of this to happen now.

John stood boredly throughout the service, not really paying attention to what was being said and who was being congratulated.

Once it had ended they dismissed everyone to third period.

John sighed as he rummaged through his locker. What a waste of his time. He could’ve at least talked to Karkat in homeroom or the first two classes, but he didn’t even have him in his class next. There wasn’t even enough time to sought him out now. There was a large crowd of students walking in the halls and talking loudly, the majority of them heading towards their classes seeing as there were only two minutes of break time left.

John would try to find him at lunchtime.

-o-

Karkat was nowhere to be found in the cafeteria at lunchtime.

It was quite typical now that John actually stopped to think about it. Karkat probably wouldn’t feel comfortable in this atmosphere.

Aha! Of course! The library would definitely be his solace during this time of day. In John’s opinion though, that was actually kind of saddening. Did Karkat even eat lunch? Did he just drink water in the library or eat in there? Did Karkat even eat anything at all???

John had been on his way to the library when Feferi stopped him. “Hey John, where are you going?!”

John spun around to face the girl. She was much shorter than him and pretty curvy for being so chubby. It suited her though as she looked very nice in everything she wore. She really liked wearing jewelry as a matter of fact. The pearl necklace and bracelet made small jingling noises as she motioned to their table. 

“It’s lunch time numbnuts. You need to eat. It’s the second most important meal of the day, and all your friends are waiting to talk to you!”

“I, uh.” 

“Come on!” She smiled at him and grabbed him by the arm, leading him to their table as they sat down.

John was a little uneasy as he looked at everyone. “Hey guys.”

“Hey John!” Jade greeted as she took a bite out of her granola bar. “You alright? You seem a bit…”

“…tense.” Rose said carefully eyeing him up. “What’s up with you?”

“Oh! It’s nothing really. Just a little hungry I guess.”

“You don’t have anything to eat though JN.” Sollux said. He raised an eyebrow as John gulped. He tried to play it off by laughing. 

“Right right. I was just about to go on the lunch line sorry.”

Feferi furrowed her eyebrows at this. John was obviously about to leave the cafeteria so what was he talking about?

“Here.” Tavros offered. “You can have some of my potato chips if you want.”

“Thanks Tav.”

John reached over to snag a few chips from the bag. He nibbled on them in thought, the others giving each other concerned glances. Before they could ask the bell rang, John grabbing his bag and waving goodbye.

He had physics next with Tavros, and most importantly Karkat. He could finally have a proper chat with him about yesterday.

-o-

John had arrived to class two minutes early and headed pass the rows of chairs to his seat at the far right of the room. In the Physics room, at least three people sat at one desk, thus Tavros and Karkat being assigned to his table. He sat at the end, Karkat on his right and Tavros on Karkat’s right.

By now kids started to stroll into the room, Tavros making his way to his seat.

John waved to him and took his books out before sitting down.

John looked around once the late bell rang; Karkat nowhere in sight. 

He frowned. He was so sure he saw him in homeroom this morning before assembly. How could he just disappear?

Tavros seemed concerned as he watched John, an eyebrow raised as he mouthed an ‘Are you alright?’ to him.

John nodded and smiled in re-assurance. He was fine. Totally fine and not concerned about his best buddy. Nope not in the slightest. Play it cool Johnny boy.

Tavros shrugged and decided to pay attention to the lesson. If John really wanted too he’d talk to him about it later.

John ended up worrying the rest of the period.  
-o-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School sucks B(  
> Tell me if i made any mistakes


	7. Chapter 7

-o-

John found himself in the library once again after school. After all, it just felt right being here. This was one of the places he was sure Karkat would be at. So he trudged on to the same spot he and Karkat sat prior to today.

John had been right.

There sat Karkat on the ground, lying on his stomach. He had his headphones in again, a few textbooks spread around him.

“Hey, Karkat.”

There was no response from the boy. Not even an acknowledgement to let him know that he truly had seen John.

“Sorry about yesterday. I’m not sure if I did something wrong yesterday or whatever, but I’d like to understand…”

Karkat sighed as he sat up, turning to look at John. 

“Shut up John.”

John was taken aback for a moment and frowned. He went to say something but Karkat had held a hand up. 

“Don’t worry. You didn’t do anything. At the very least your annoyingly strong will to be happy and talk to me is really enough but let me get to the point. I was being pretty dumb yesterday. Those…those things you said about me yesterday. I’d like to believe you about it, but I can’t. I really, really would like too. I just can’t. I feel so horrible all the time and it eats away at me. I don’t even know why the fuck I’m so sad sometimes.”

John bit his lip as he bent down to sit next to Karkat. “I’m really sorry you feel this way Karkat.”

Said boy shrugged and smiled bitterly. “Nothin’ I can do about it now can i? Sorry about yesterday, though. Again, I didn’t really mean to walk off. It’s just.”

John adjusted his body to face Karkat, eyebrow raised slightly. “Just what?”

“You’re..you!”

“I’m sorry what?”

“You’re a John, John!”

John giggled at this and covered his mouth. Karkat rolled his eyes feigning annoyance. “You’re just too weirdly nice. And I’m me. This,” Karkat motioned between the two of them. 

“How would this friendship even work out?”

John shrugged a smile gracing his features. “Just gotta try, Kar!”

“Please don’t call me Kar.”

“Kar..karino!”

“No.”

“Cap’n Karkat.”

“Seriously? This is the best you can come up with, John?”

“Beep. Beep. Meow.”

Karkat sighed deeply as John giggled. “Ok ok. Just Karkat it is.”

John glanced down at Karkat’s bag, his iPod poking out of the zipper. “So, ‘Just Karkat’, what were you doing before I got here?”

The boy shrugged already putting his headphones back into his ears. “Studying in peace. Music.”

“Hm.”

“Fine here.” Karkat thrust the device out to him, John barely catching it; fumbling as he did so. “Pick a song or something. I’m gonna close my eyes for a minute or two.”

“Sure. Oh, but wait! Karkat!”

Karkat had already used his backpack as a makeshift pillow, lying on his back and trying to get as comfortable as you could on cold, hard tiles. He cracked an eye open and   
looked at John seemingly questioning him to go on.

“Where were you today during Physics class?!”

“None of your business.”

“You didn’t somehow get sick today right? Wouldn’t they have sent you home? Why are you still here? I don’t understand man what happened.”

Karkat decided to turn and lay on his side, his back facing John. “It’s nothing. Don’t bother.”

John hmphed. “I just wanna know what’s up with my new pal! You…do realize you can tell me anything, right? Absolutely anything. If you ever need to talk I’m here, alright?” His voice oddly soft and serious with his last few words.

Karkat stirred and hesitated for a moment. 

“Hm.” Was his short reply as John changed the song. Karkat could hear the start of “Come With Me” by Special D playing in his right ear.

John shrugged unbeknownst to Karkat. “Alright. It’s fine then. Nevermind.”

He settled his frame against the wall and closed his eyes, tapping his feet to the beat of the music.

John heard a small, soft sigh come from Karkat.

“I was in the bathroom during that time in the stalls. I kinda had an anxiety attack I guess. There were some people and some other things that happened and yeah…I’m fucking fine don’t give me that look.”

“Are you alright now though? Wait, what’s an anxiety attack?”

“Oh you don’t know?” Karkat raised an eyebrow in surprise as he watched John. “ All the better. Some things are better left not known. Let’s just get back to the music alright.” 

Karkat eyed him for awhile in silence before folding his hands behind his head and closing his eyes again. He shifted and stilled as he lost himself in the lull of the music.

John stared at Karkat for awhile, thinking and watching. Karkat made him oh so very confused and frustrated. He wanted to understand him, and he wanted to know what on earth ran through his mind all the time. But Karkat was very vague in his responses, or avoided most things on a whole. God that irked him! Why wouldn’t he just talk to him!

John frowned as begrudgingly changed the current song to a Taylor Swift song, not really listening as Bad Blood flooded his ears.

-o-

That night John stayed up late researching about anxiety and anxiety attacks, an odd sense of sadness and wonder as he thought of Karkat.

There was a knock at his door and Dad poked his head inside. “John it’s nearly past midnight. Maybe you should be getting to bed now son?”

He had swiveled around in his chair, the top of it bumping into this desk. “Yeah, sure! Goodnight Dad.”

“Night son. Sweet dreams. Don’t be afraid to talk to me alright?”

The older man smiled softly, a hint of a wrinkle at the corner of his lips. He watched his son wryly as he tilted his head.

“I know, Dad! Have a good night rest.”

“Alright. Sleep soon.”

With that he closed the door, turning off the light.

John turned back to his computer, glancing at the screen. He contemplated researching a few more things but he could feel sleep tugging at him, urging him to close his tired eyes. With that he looked at the screen once more before shutting it off.

John yawned as he climbed into bed, stretching before tucking himself under the sheets. He dreamed of Karkat's smile as they talked, the two walking in a park. All was right with the world.

-o-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's a sucker for cliche's and horrible writing?


End file.
